After a long break

Wow..it took sometime for me to figure out the location of my blogspot.
After may be 8 years i vaguely recollected writing blogs.
Maybe the facebook, google plus, whatsup kind of got me disconnected with blogspot.

Life has changed so much the past few years.

Work, marriage, kids and now am settled in Bangalore with 3 kids (the 2nd being twin girls now).

With the 1st kid itself, life was circus! Now i dont know how the next 3 years will manifest in terms of some personal time or speculation.

I guess everything is a cycle in life. Hope to get back to writing some time in future.

Personality Development

Knowingly or unknowingly our personality is influenced by many people around us. We are what we are because of our parents, our cultural background, our peers – friends and colleagues and our experience cum lessons learnt from the same and other miscellaneous people who walk in and walk out of our lives (they are the optional influence - if we want, we can channel even this transient population to have a good or bad effect upon us). These are my reflections, when I see people, understand their psychology, their mind and their flow of thoughts, trying to reason out “why we are the way we are!!!”

The statement “We are influenced by people around us” is acknowledged even in our Shastras (scriptures) as –
Our life is divided into 4 quadrants as depicted below:



The below Sanskrit saying encapsulates what is depicted above:
Mathru (Mom) devo (Worship) bava (Hail)
Pithru (Dad) devo bava
Guru (Teacher) devo bava
Athithi (Friends who visit our home) devo bava

Another Sanskrit saying advocating the same philosophy:

Satsangathya Nissangathvam, nissangathve nirmohathvam, nirmohathve moksham
- as said by Adi Shankarayacharya

Good friends (Satsangathya) impart good qualities (Nis-Sangathvam), good qualities paves way to detachment towards wordly deeds (Nirmoham) and finally this philosophy helps us attain salvation or divine happiness (Moksham)

The IV quadrant, I believe needs to be elaborated. Looking at our own life, others life, learning valuable lessons from our experience – we can be a teacher to oneself. But then we hardly realize the wise in this. We have certain views or characteristics because of our background or profession. Like people in managerial line are good listeners, as he/she is considered good only if communicative and is able to gauge the team's pulse. So they have certain “managerial” strategy in executing every task in their life - professional and personal. Similarly, for a poor servant maid – her way of doing a mundane menial job like washing vessels is easy and an educational discourse like this is hard to follow. Her behavior and characterisitics to endure this hard job is defined by her job role.

Philosophy:
Our life is a beautiful place to live if we are willing to put on the right glasses and perceive things the right way – like a swan (Hamsam) swallowing the good, leaving the bad.

Acc to purans (Veda) - When the earth was created – Amrutham (Good) and Visham (Poison or bad) emerged. The Devathas (Gods) consumed Amrutham and Ashuras (Demons) consumed Visham.

These is a lot of wise in this philosophy just like there is a lot of wise in the sayings of our scholarly elders (termed as Shlokas in Sanskrit) or a colloquial proverb of a regular villager.

For eg, as we interact with a person or any new acquaintance, one first observes and relishes the good qualities that’s why “First impression is the best impression”, but later we go on to discover the bad or “not so likable” qualities of a person or the evil alter ago in us.

But how we cleanse our thoughts depends on us.

One can choose to appreciate the good qualities in a person, try to adapt our lifestyle and imbibe these qualities as much as possible or just plainly admire these qualities.

And if we observe or get inflicted (hurt) by a “not so good quality”, don’t let this evilness develop evilness in you. If that happens, your evilness emerges as anger, that eventually gives into hatred which creeps into ur mind like a slow poison. Instead, one can look at this very same “not so good quality” as some thing one should not adopt in one’s life or if we also share the same evil – the hurt inflicted upon us by this evil should make us realize how painful it is and if we also repeat the same mistake – one should realize how much pain we are inflicting on another person. Such thinking will cleanse not only our mind but also another person’s mind (indirectly). Such thinking will instill in us the good quality to forgive the other person and consider their “not so good quality” as their ignorance of their action and its consequences. And by doing this kind act, you can unknowingly bring a change in others. One need not shout angrily, in return our kindness towards another being will be appreciated, our non-violence will Some day, Some time dawn the truth in the other. After all, that’s how Our father of the nation- Mahatma Gandhi liberated us from the tyrant British rule.

Changes are inevitable. One cant remain immutable to change. Things will happen, whether we like it or not. By understanding another person’s psychology, wonderful philosophies emerge and goodness is spread everywhere.

Ofcourse this whole lecture – can be looked upon as a boring lecture, a wise lecture, study of psychology or

A crazy girl blabbering crazy things

All said, its easy to preach but tough to practice. For, if we practice we become “Perfect” which is equivalent to “God”. And no one on this earth is perfect.

The controversial topic

Arranged or Love ???

The famous twin dilemma.

I am writing this after reading this blog

http://rja.blogspot.com/2004/07/arranged-marriage.html

i will say this- nothing is the RIGHT WAY things have to happen. As an Indian youngster with the right mix of traditional and modern views, I will not say "Love marriage” is only great experience or “"Arranged marriage" is only correct approach.

Either can happen. Its we who shape our life. Let our life evolve as a beautiful place to live.

A college girl or guy shouldn’t talk with opp sex just to flirt and enter the decision of love marriage - braving all odds. That’s infatuation. A more mature love marriage is where the couple deeply love each other and are sure about each other. But parents are not agreeing to it. What do u do then? Question Mark – Family or love. So here risk factors are - meets abrupt end due to factors then broken hearts or desperation leading to eloping or parents shunning them away. Hmm lots of problems to face and handle. Are u that mature enough and confident enough to handle all this is what u ask urself? Love just happens and if it happens think wise and analyze as pointed out in the other blog how an arranged marriage couple of today sit and set their expectations correctly.

At the same time, on the arranged marriage front. Yes totally agreed, things are not bleak as it was a century back. People talk, understand and then decide. But there is a caveat here that following things should exist for it to be peaceful and successful process:

1) Parents and their kid (girl/boy) come to consensus on what needs to be done- horoscope, family, preferences, time & space needed to decide. Once agreed dont question each other-- A parent should not force their kid - why dont u like this person- seems like nice family, horoscope matches. Same time kid should also not be unreasonable. Typically a generation gap exists, but it needs to be closed. Else the scene gets ugly - hasty decisions made or accepts it to end the harassing of parents/aunts/relatives/society or no I will remain single n say Hell with things

2) When all equations are worked out between parent and kids. Inside the family- you know ur parents- u can to hearts content talk to them- you can also fight/counsel/argue with each other plus a deep bond exist. But what can u say about society or the alliance u r considering. What I see more commonly happening is - Parents are over enthusiastic in their approach. A guy's parents or the guy base decisions and pass comments - Does ur girl sing, dance, cook, religious, is she slim fair. Is it that - u r talented only if u know to sing, or is it that - u r traditional only if u know carnatic music. Questions like these are plainly stupid. At times guys are too busy and leave things on their parent's lap and say u do whatever u want and finally come back to me - give me my time - I will interact and then me-girl jointly will give u our verdict. So here the guy-girl could be good when introduced, but then it might not JUST happen. The parents ALONE see the girl, wont let guy come or guy doesnt have time to take off from work. Now they (parents) don’t find the qualities that "they" like in her, not necessary that the guy’s priority is same and he would look for these qualities alone. And here the girl gets irritated with this family's questions/comments/or the fact - why is this guy least interested? - is it because of "order-purchase" attitude or is it - he is too busy and if he is too busy for an important action in his life then why does he say "I am ready for marriage!" or Does he wisely sees his parents seeing the girl as a 1st level screening process (a mark of respect for elders opinion - to judge if she will fit my family's framework) and not as the LAST level or the ONLY level of screening. A girl or her parents scrutinize the guy along the dimensions such as tall, should not be dark, smartness, job, qualification, wealth owned, salary, dowry, demands, is the groom from US/UK/Australia anywhere else apart from India, rigid or adjustable. The central problem is that "nature and personality is not judgemental", u can form an opinion only when u interact. Its more of a behavioral study type-of-questions rather than yes or no type-of-questions.


All judgments could be hasty if one evaluates things in terms of Interview type of questions - Yes or No. Tick Mark

For eg. A small story.

Scene: A jolly type guy is looking for fun loving partner full of life, she can work/not work her wish, has full freedom for anything.

And our hero goes about asking "how many movies u see? Do u like this movie X,Y,Z? And if the girl happens to say I hardly watch movies outside. I rather like seeing them at home. Our Mr.intelligent can form prejudice and declares no i dont like this girl.

Conclusion: Guy thinks OH My God this girl is some villager. She is a very boring girl.

Common Problem:
If he talks initially (say) in a formal setup – in a "ponnu pakkal" (guy/his family go to girls home and meet her) setup . U have too many people, strangers every where and only Q & A types of discussions come. The conclusions are 99% incorrect as people start to get prejudice if they miss one quality in a person.

Caveat in Story: For all u know, she could have disciplined parents not letting her out and hence likes to see everything at home. Would a girl prefer to tell this truth- No. She wont confess to some stranger that her parents wont let her go out. Even if she tells the guy will think - Oh my god her parents control her so much, what will they do with me. :) So here guy rejecting this girl on this ground may earn only bad name from his parents. Poor fellow. Also it could be that the girl really doesn’t like -is either too studious or plainly doesn’t like movies. How do judge? What are the factors that one should consider?

Verdict: A more logical approach a guy should take is - take time to talk, hang out and talk on a broad range of topics, when u make judgement base it on the circumstances, constraints, resources- Just think. U dont look go match-match same pinch I also like this like a kid. :) Its better if the person is different from u. U just see if u can understand another person's thoughts and perception. Will it make u Happy being like this!


Mostly this opportunity is blocked by parents or the concerned people-boy or girl has inhibitions to ask out and hang out.

There is lots of ifs-buts. So my verdict: Arranged marriage of modern days is really good. But the process of selection at times can be unnerving experience driving u mad at the society and may implant this idea- God I wish I had selected someone by today or say I am happy alone or all smart youngsters go for love marriage and only boring people go for postings in matrimonial websites.

By telling problems in arranged marriage, I am not telling making ur college love culminating into a successful happy marriage is any easy to achieve- mostly we want families agreeing, a love-turned-arranged where everyone in both family is happy is a tall order.

From the time u decide on “Arranged: Okay I am ready for marriage” or “Love: the realization sinks in you – yes I love this person” and get married and move on to lead a successful Happy life- its all about patience, more patience. A delicate thread of understanding is needed, time and space is needed.

Marriage is about infinite patience, unconditional love and sacrifices which are not sacrifices if looked as “adaptation leading to involuntary change”.

Okay for folks wondering what I did – it is “modern types arranged marriage with lot of prior harassing experiences in arranged marriage selection process due to immature expectation of the other person” :) and my views of love marriage is based on what I see happening around the world.

Silence is within you

Disclaimer:
The following blog is very philosophical and probably might make little sense. I am trying to practise the art of meditating in a real world setting, in my short breaks at work, when commuting etc. So few thoughts...............

Quiet walk in a park or the steady sound of flowing water, listening to birds chirping in high trees or a pleasant evening sea breeze greeting your face.....These can just work wonder in stimulating your mind, washing us away from mundane life.

Though it is an endearing thought to enjoy this soothing silence on a daily basis, one hardly gets the opportunity, time and place to cherish and enjoy a tranquil setting. Caught in the clutches of cell phones, TV, all time companion laptop, blaring city traffic one hardly gets the time for oneself sans any noise.

The world of reality is quite different - you wake with the ring of your alarm (snoozing it half dozen times), soon accompanied by loud morning news in the TV, and then very soon welcomed with the annoying traffic horns and signals, maybe some respite if your office setting is a quiet one, and soon the reverse of the above happens to complete the day.

So, given our urban lifestyle, a quite setting has become an expensive commodity to look forward. I was once pointed out by a friend of mine when I complained on the above that "Silence is within you" and ever since it has turned on my thought wheels. Since then I started experimenting in tuning out from the external factor when I desire to have the time for myself. Its about getting acclimated to these noises which are part and parcel of our lives and just forgetting their mere existence if you exercises the right technique. Like a resident living beside a railway soon forget the sounds of train chugging along the railway track, soon you realize that one can get into meditative trance even in a big crowded railway station, bus, restaurant, coffee shop. The steady stream of people moving on with their chores soon move into an oblivion.

Silence is just a state of mind. Its about practising our mind not to react sensitively to surrounding things and enjoy and continue to do what you want, where ever and when ever.

Going by the Adage- Whatever happens, It happens for the Good.

Hit by bouts of philosophies in life, jotting down some random thoughts.

Haven't u ever told yourself "Whatever happens, happens for good" and resigned yourselves to your fate, that dark clouds would move out soon and show its silver line.

But at the same have u ever been blessed with that moment of truth, looking back at the trace of events and analyzing it that Yes indeed it has been truly for my good.

The 1st half no doubt one can come up with umpteen occasions to narrate, but the second half is much harder to correlate to.

Life is governed by uncertainties to spice it up. We don't know whats in store for us tomorrow. All one can resign to is Live in the present and enjoy the present and be prepared for the future. There are umpteen misfortunate things that happen in our life, that life presents itself to make us more strong with passing times.

A simple example befitting this theory would be what u might have gone though in ur teens. As an youngster, not procuring an admission in a top educational institute may be a huge setback after all the sweat poured out in high school. This negative impression however is ephemeral until u graduate out of college and set straight ur career path. Looking back one realizes (maybe or maybe not) that the initial set back wasn't after all bad, the disappointment propels u to work even more harder towards achieving higher goals. However, the real challenge is in saddling the disappointment and looking ahead in life and glean the best out of the present.

A lot of times we seek the blessings of God and move forward in His name, with a spiritual faith with that things will fall in place soon, very soon.

This simple high school disappointment is a trivial sampler. As life moves one realizes that life is a long roller coaster ride. What seems disappointment at one stage in life wouldn't look the same, looking back 10 years down the lane, for u realize the Goodness in it and the benefits u reaped out of it. So one can console ourselves when in a negative spiral of emotions that just hold on and hang on to faith that Pinnacle would soon come, but u never know when, how soon....

All said n done, of course there are certain sequence of events in life, which one just cant decipher even after several years.

God had bestowed us with only a certain degree of freedom in controlling our lives, a 360 degree of freedom is not in our best interest. What lies in our best interest is controlling whatever that lies within our reach and leaving the rest to God.

Maybe some day you might decipher why certain xyz event happened in ur life and can smile back on the feelings you went through at that time and be content on this new uncontrollable path which had evolved and through which you have walked. Hm mm....In this positives note, taking life as continuous learning experience we move forward and look forward to such "Moment of Truth" that can deeply instill positive attitude within oneself

My graduation Walk

My blog page has been rusting for quite a while now on the lame excuse of lack of time. Well its time for re-opening on the joyous occasion of my graduation ceremony and as I head today to catch my long international flight to Cincinnati.

Rewinding even 2 years back, I would have never believed that the day would come for the "precious walk" - My Graduation walk". The story of my PhD saga like every one else was more of a struggle flavored to a large extent with moments of despair, sleepless night outs in the lab, solitary ponderings, depression, utter disappointments which God willingly got transformed later to sweet success.

"Success is sweetest to those, who have tasted failure". And this success of my doctoral degree completion is just a sublime feeling, having tasted innumerable number of hurdles and failures. I truly believe the statement that "PhD is about passion". Though I didn’t start off with this ideology in mind, the lessons gained over these few years have instilled in me this insatiable passion.

Having completed my degree successfully, i firmly believe that a revered PhD degree has more to do with perseverance than intelligence. :) I got more than what I bargained for when I enrolled myself at University of Cincinnati with MS degree. The initial years of my research were a constant test of my mind and inner strength.

Now the past 5 years rolls out like a fast moving reel of film. As a young fresh college undergraduate with a simple academic background, it was a huge stumbling block come up with new ideas. Any topic that you start on would seem as if it has been already addressed. One just keeps reading and reading research papers, which overwhelms you rather than instill any seeds of ideas. I still recollect the innumerable self-motivating hours that I have spent reading through inspiring articles of other researchers, scrolling over other students and professor web pages, awe struck at the amount of dedication a PhD demand, and constantly dreaming about the day when I would achieve the same. I used to desperately meditate for success and work hard towards it, hanging inspiring proverbs everywhere around my cube, signing my emails/messenger with inspiring quotes, reading lot of inspiring philosophy to offset the disappointments in research, disappointments of paper rejection. The work pressure, fierce competition, and constant motivation from my good friends kept me on the insurmountable task that lay ahead.

Along the way, I had to digest umpteen negative sarcasms trying to convert the nagging words to self-motivate me and prove my worth. I still cherish the soothing words of my dear friend who wrote me when I had not published even a single paper in first 2 years of my research that "Reassure your self thinking of a bamboo tree. A young bamboo shot take a long time of grow. You keep nurturing it and in few years it just grows to great unimaginable heights". (story in the end)

To summarize, the whole series of events over past few years has taught me so many things about life other than research. I am grateful to God that I have finally come through the long dark tunnel which just seemed endless with no ray of hopes.

This Friday, the June 13th 2008 is truly the most precious moments of my life. A fulfillment of my five years of struggle, a humble beginning for many more dreams and goals to achieve.





An inspiring short story sent by my friend
One day, a man was very much vexed. He went to god and told him that he is not interested to live. God told him about the precious thing he has given him - life. Man never understood. Both started persuading each other. Finally the irritated man asked God “ Tell me jus 1 reason. Why I should live?”. God told him- "That he created two seeds initially – Grass seed and Bamboo seed. He gave them both everything equally – water, sunlight. After 6months god saw sprouts coming up from grass seed. But nothing came from Bamboo seed. He waited for 1 year. Grass started growing taller and taller. But nothing came from Bamboo seed.No sign of life. But god never gave up. He waited for 2, 3,4,5, and finally in the 6th year he could see sprouts coming from bamboo seed.Within 6 months of time, Bamboo grew very tall. All these days Bamboo has been strengthening its roots and finally came up successfully. When I could wait for such a long time for my seed to come up. Why should u quit life???”.

My lazy reflections

Here comes my blog entry after a really long time.
My timepass activities keep varying and blogging has been offlate largely neglected due to my movie spree. Having exhausted all the good movies, my movie watching activity is a success only 25% of the time. A pile of crap which I somehow seem to endure for now.
Lage Raho Munna Bhai the sequel to Munna Bhai MBBS came as a relief last week. The movie was a complete package of fun in every sense- the ideal mix of comedy, romance, politics and above all a message to the society delivered in a beautiful realistic way. The movie ended with a grand applause from the audience. Though a mere 3 hours of entertainment, it has churned my wheels of thoughts about lot of things.
A glance at the pathetic state of our country's politicians generates a revolting disgust in all of us and we the common people supposedly "forming the democratic country" turn a blind eye and move on with our mundane lives. Though the media keeps a considerable check on the greedy politicians, they continue to crown themselves with a never-ending list of scams. We won freedom from the British only to end up at the hands of ruthless Indian Politicians. Our country has undergone a drastic metamorphism in principles within a century. The same proud land being the birthplace of great freedom fighters like Ghandhiji, Subhash Chandra Bose, Chandra Sehkhar Azad, Tilak, Bhagath Singh, has now been reduced to a thriving nest of corrupt politicians. Somehow somewhere, we lost the true leaders of the Nation. It just makes me think - "How in the heavens can Great people disappear so soon"! "Why are such great leaders not resurrecting in our country - to guide us when we need them the most"! The double edged sword called "power and money" vested on the leaders is just showing its negative edge. We just seem to have lost in the maddening world the principles of life instilled in us as a child. We have different kinds of formal education and degrees for every discipline in the various walks of life- But none for one pursuing their lives as leaders of a state or country. He/She on whom lies the decision of masses, future of nation seem to be blinded by greed, gluttony, arrogance, lust...
Is there an end...or is it just the beginning of the epidemic.
Reflecting on the speech of Jawaharlal Nehru on the eve of Independence, August 14, 1947; I feel, we awakened from one slumber and have plunged into a much deeper one.

"Long years ago we made a tryst with destiny,
and now the time comes when we shall redeem our
pledge...At the stroke of the midnight hour, when the
world sleeps, India will awake to life and freedom"

The waves of time has reframed our destiny, and a new tryst with destiny has to be made.....